I drank the poison of my thoughts
Almost costing me my life
Yet, fate decided that I live
So now I face what I once did not
Courage shall be the drink I have instead
I am an all or nothing woman
I do not half ass anything
And I do not settle for half ass effort by men
You have this hold on me that brings me back to you every time
He sat in a black chair
Stared me down with black beady eyes
Snake Snake Snake
I looked down
I looked up
He preceded to tell me
My disorder was grave
No cure
The worst one
Endless medication
Years of therapy
My mind began to race
My breath became heavy
My stomach in knots
Do not worry he pleaded
Snake Snake Snake
I was “high-functioning”
What the hell was that supposed to mean
To tell me I am more or less doomed
But it is okay
I am not going to die
Even though I have these suicidal thoughts
Self-harm
Mood swings out of nowhere
Lack of support
A stigma surrounding it all
Sure I was “high-functioning”
No worries at all
Snake Snake Snake
Great bipolar lecture
I was no longer an individual
Who was in graduate school
Wrote poetry
Traveled to other countries
Kicked ass at the gym
No, I was the “high-functioning” bipolar girl
Labels are what society uses
When they don’t understand a person or group
That was my label now
Snake Snake Snake
Perhaps if doctors spent more time getting to know the patient
Than looking up medications
More progress would be made
I got out of that office
Anger raged in me
I was more than that damn disorder
And no one would tell me that it defined me
Snake Snake Snake
I am sure I will always miss home. However, if I do not leave now, then a part of me will always be missing. The part that longs to see new places, meet new people and live a life full of new adventures.
You have to learn to put yourself first
Everything else will follow
I feel sorry for you. You lost me and I am not someone you can replace. I always saw the best in you while everyone else, including yourself, only saw the worst. I would have done anything to make it work and that speaks volumes about my character, not yours. I forgive you for your lack of integrity and remorse. I had to accept an apology I would never receive from you after everything I found out. Still, I do not wish you badly because of the person I want to be. You see, your actions and words didn’t make me a colder person. It made me me a warmer person who treats people kinder with the respect you should have given me. Thank you for showing me your true colors so that I can find someone else who is worthy of me and treats me right.
When you have a healing aurora, damaged people are always gravitating towards you. It’s both a blessing and a curse. Be careful to not let their negative energy take the best of you. You should never feel the need to fix people. They can only fix themselves.
I have decided to forgive you and let you go
Not for your sake but my own
A cold hearted woman
Once was so full of love
For a man who was broken
