Never hide the hurt you feel inside to have others accept you
Don’t you know that you feeling so much is a beautiful gift?
If you take my bipolar disorder away
Then the best parts of me disappear
My empathy
My resilience
My creativity
My heart
My reality
My ambition
My hope
My compassion
It is not always a weakness you see
I am so much more because of it
Without it, I simply would not be me
Evolve from the hurt
There is always pain when it comes to transformation
People amuse me in the sense that they are oblivious to life itself
And that they choose to be ignorant so that they may not suffer
Don’t they know that suffering is the only damn thing in this mad world
That makes us feel alive?
So very alive
Don’t ask me if I am happy
I’ve never known what that is
It’s a foreign term
My mind can’t comprehend
I am made of too much darkness to ever feel that
And I have accepted it
This is who I am
And I am proud to be me
As my bones began to show
My hunger faded
Until I did not recognize my own reflection
Ana praised me and she encouraged me
To make the number on the scale lower
She was in control
Where was I?
The happy girl I once knew
A skeleton with sad eyes stared back at me
If Ana’s voice could be silenced then I would stop
I knew I was hurting myself but her voice was so strong
Then one day came where all my strength was gone
And I realized she was wrong
I decided to fight her because she could not teach me
To love myself
Only I could choose to love all of me
It is still a battle to this day
But my bones no longer show
And I do not believe Ana’s lies
If they walked out the door
Do not open it
When they come back knocking
If you want to write poetry
You have to learn to bleed in ink
You act like me feeling too much is a bad thing
Some days I want to heal
Some days I don’t
The trauma and abuse I faced while young is a part of me
It makes me who I am
Who will I be if I move past it?
The thought of it terrifies me
Just like the little girl inside of me
