To Be Continued

When you left my book of life

The chapter ended but the story continued

I do not read the same chapter twice

Next Chapter: Moving On

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Ghost

You were there one day

Then you were gone

No goodbye

Just like in a sad song

Words I’ll Never Say

You may think you have used me or hurt me

You may even think I hate you

I am okay with you thinking that

It is better than the truth

 

All you were was a rebound

I liked the idea of having someone there

I do not hate you

I hate myself for using you

 

Those feelings were never really there

All part of the show

Manipulation

It is what I do best

 

It is good that you left

I have rough edges that may cause harm

Broken promises

Broken hearts

 

I hope another woman can show you love again

I am not capable of doing so anytime soon

It is what you deserve

I wish you the best

Toxic

You aren’t good for me

I’m not good for you

Yet, we still have chemistry

Magnetic perhaps

Explosive always

However, it’s toxic

Slowly killing us

This love is poison

Brokenhearted Insomnia

1:16 am

I can’t sleep

Thoughts of you intoxicate me

I’m drowning with what could have been and what I should have said

Things I can’t take back

Things I can’t make right

I didn’t think hearts were meant to for breaking but mine feels like it’s falling apart

1:16 am

I can’t sleep

Mama Ida

I once lived with my birth mother
She was very beautiful and kind
No matter how hard she tried,
She couldn’t take care of me
Her mental illness became too much
Where she had to sadly give me up
I don’t remember when or how I ended up in a foster home
All I know is little me wondered what I did so wrong
Now these unwanted feelings return as I become an adult
And no matter how hard I try,
Those feelings of abandonment do not die
I thought all my life if I was perfect,
No one would leave me
My psychologist says that’s not true thinking
No wonder my self-esteem and confidence through years has been sinking
All I can do is take it day by day
Mama Ida, I love you and forgive you
I know you were just trying to give me a better life
 

Love Myself

When you said you no longer wanted me,

I found my purpose

I knew my worth

I could do better

Thank you for that

I never needed your validation

I simply needed to love myself

Naive

I fought for you and you were to never be mine

How cruel it was to know this all along and not tell me

You knew the ending as soon as it began

I was a naive woman to think we could really be anything more than friends

Fire and Gasoline

How beautiful and frightening it is at the same time to fall in love

It’s like fire and gasoline

An explosion so intense

Ignited deep down into your very soul you think didn’t quite exist

Yet it could be the light to save you or a fire simply to burn you

 

 

Late Night Thoughts

It is hard to just shut off feelings when all you have ever been told is to follow your heart

You left

Therefore, my heart went with you