When I feel that I have met my doom, and all those around me can not imagine the pain I am tormented with each day, I tell myself perhaps that is why it is better me than them. For I can endure this and maybe they could not. After all, I am still alive.
Throughout life, people will bring out the worst or best in you. Listen to your intuition. Feel your emotions. Observe your reactions. Then, decide who remains and who is removed.
He asked me, “What’s it like to have an episode?” I was quiet for a few minutes gathering my thoughts and a proper response. I said with a deep breath, “You know how your heart breaks at times in your life?” He nodded. I reluctantly continued, “Well, my mind does that too”.
Sit with your emotions
Let the pain hurt
Allow yourself to forgive
You must do so in order to move forward
Is this what it takes to make art?
To pull my beating heart out of my chest?
As I write, the blood from my heart is used as ink
These words I write are more than just thoughts
They are derived from my very soul
The hurting and healing at a constant tug of war
Battle they do
Whichever one wins in the end
No one shall ever know
However, I will remain with this pen in my hand
Until every last drop of blood is put on paper
In your darkest hour it is up to you whether you will rise or fall.
Guilt creeps upon me like a long lost friend
Promises I should have kept
Words I should have not said
In time I will forget
Currently, it meets me
And beats me dead
The young man said, “I miss her.”
The old woman replied, “Then tell her.”
I am a walking miracle. After everything I have endured, I am still here.
I am at constant war with my mind. At times I fear it will consume me and there will be nothing left of me but this darkness inside of me. I’m afraid I shall go the same way as Plath and Hemingway in the end.